does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
