She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
