we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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