Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
