Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
