1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
