Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
