Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
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