I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
