I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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