Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
