I'm lost and stupid without you.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
