Yo dont text me then not text me
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize