I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
