Non-Jews are for practice
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
