and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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