He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
