so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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