What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize