Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
