I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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