why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize