I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
