She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
