Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
