Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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