Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
