he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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