He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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