After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Alive.
So much puke
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
