Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
