I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
