white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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