Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
