so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
