sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
