I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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