I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
