Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
