dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
