I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
