Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
