I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
