ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
