I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
me + whiskey = a bad person
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
