Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
