I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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