hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
