You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
