i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
