Yo dont text me then not text me
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I will be naked everywhere
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
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