the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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