all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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