Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
