woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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