Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize