Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
