I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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