you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
