I never want to see another naked old woman again.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
