I think I am morally bankrupt
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
