Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
