You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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