The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
