Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
is wine microwaveable?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
