there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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