... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
