you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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