Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
