I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hippo gnu deer
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
