MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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