Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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